It is really easy in life to get into a situation where you feel a sense of goodness about what you are doing, which can act as a justification, a wall against any criticisms of others.
Practically this sort of pride that develops is not very helpful, but it is obvious that those who are more sensitive to criticisms will be more likely to use this tactic to protect their sensitivities, mostly in a manner that they are not conscious of doing.
Not only does this pride cut one off from progressing along, and growing and changing, it also makes life uncomfortable for others one interacts with, as there is always this constant underlying tension.
One can become extremely reactive against perceived attacks to their sense of goodness as a person, and lash out at anyone who is not in support of such a view.
This can lead to a certain paranoia, where one is always constantly waiting for others to destroy their sense of goodness, and always overly reactive to subtleties and nuances in the speech, and actions of others.
If one really observes one's own psychology, one can recognise that a lot of the uncomfortableness one feels in conversation with others - is because some sort of projection and reading into the situation - usually based around ones own self "how is that going to impact my life", is the under surface current constantly on repeat... "is that going to make my life more easy or difficult?" etc.
As I have been on both ends in my life I know what it is like on either side. I know what it is like to have what I say misinterpreted based on the fears of another, and also what it is like to relate to what others say based on my own fears.
As a female it is natural to look towards strong male figures for support, even if consciously this seems undesirable, it will still inform my reactions to people. As I came to the conclusion awhile ago that no human male could be reliable in that way, I decided it would be more secure to relate to a masculine deity who had a particular universal mission, who would always be consistent in representing that mission. Such a being could help give me a mental and emotional security, even if I am not actually connecting to the real deity and just some imagined view - which I'm sure is a potential trap that can occur, it can still give me a somewhat place to rest myself on a more subtle level.
But this does not really address the physical material side of things, with a real connection to a deity I'm sure that would be taken care of too, but obviously to win the deity over in order to achieve that material security, its a lot of hard work. And I'm mot necessarily talking about having magickal things happen like money suddenly appear on my doorstep, it could be as simple as feeling the support and power of the deity to help empower me to be able to do the required action needed to generate my own resources needed for survival etc.
At this point in my life I am still at a knowledge gathering stage, I feel there is lots of study to do, and generally along with the study comes the practice of chanting etc, which in turn produces certain insights, and reveals more subtle truths, and confirms more on an experiential level the truth of what one is studying.
Perhaps some day in this life I will feel I am ready to find a Guru, but at this stage I'm not so ready for that level of intimacy that comes with having to surrender to do what another being says 24/7.
At least now I am very sure that I am needing to follow a devotional path, and that has been strongly becoming more and more obvious in the past year or so. Previous to that I was sort of all over the place.
In the past I was out off by people who claimed to be following devotional paths that I met, and just didn't feel right about it. But I realised later that that was because the people I met were one of two types:
1) Were using the devotional path to worship their self, as they believed that they were ultimately God, but they just had not realised it completely yet. This is an over simplification of explaining it but I think the general gist is clear. There is a difference between those who use a devotional path to build a relationship with the supreme - where the supreme is considered to be an entity with actual characteristics in their own right.... and those that see the supreme as being pure unconditioned consciousness or complete non-difference from their own soul. I can understand now whilst I found being around these people uninspiring in the devotional path, and why it turned me off of it. If I believed that God was like they thought then I wouldn't be using the devotional path to realise that, I would be using a path based more on discriminative intelligence, and focusing solely on different meditational breath techniques, and self-inquiry.
2) Those who are on a devotional path who accept there as being some difference between them and God, but are really impaired in their intelligence. These sorts are actually looking for someone to take care of them and place restrictions on them at the same time, and they want to surrender to some teacher and use it as a crutch in a really childish sense. These are the sorts that are really insincere, but they are trying to really convince everyone that they are sincere by attempting to display the outer garb. And a lot of these people end up washed up sooner or later, and then blaming the former teachers or institutions they were following, instead of taking self-responsibility. These people would be better off accepting that they have ambitions and desires that are contrary to practicing a devotional path, and following those ambitions and desires to their conclusion until they become completely disillusioned with them. If you try to enforce disillusionment before all parts of you actually are disillusioned, it just ends up leading to strange repression.
Awhile ago I tried to do a 1 day and night chanting names of Vishnu, because of it being mentioned in a text, and I found out how hard it was to keep the mind focussed, and how a general boredom and disinterest started to spring up whilst doing it, and I realised that my heart just wasn't really in it, I could outwardly force myself to chant the names through discipline, but I couldn't force myself to be total in my intent... it really made me see how un-integrated I was.... I was looking out for any distraction, and just wishing that the day and night would be over already... it went so slow... and it almost felt torturous to do, but I kept pushing on, rather determined. It wasn't the sort of torture that say comes from working in an office... but it was the sort of torture that comes when parts of oneself are really resisting transformation.
Unless there is 100% integration then how can there be true sincerity? Intent needs to be total for their to be sincerity. As I went on in to the night, it was really cold, and I dosed off, but I was still chanting as I was dosing off, and even in the dream I had I was chanting whilst observing the dream, the dream was some mundane dream, informing of an incident that would happen the next day, and when I woke up I was still chanting... so not sure if that counts as completing 1 day and 1 night, maybe not, seeing there could of been moments where I completely stopped chanting and I just don't remember.
5 comments:
Perhaps, if a true guru is not found or looked for, it may be worth pondering the surrender phenomenon...
I heard that the act of surrender creates changes in the entity, and it does not require a 'thing' to be surrendered to. Perhaps it is similar to kenosis?
You heard? Or you know? :P... but good to find out that there was a word for that in Greek, I can tell my Daoists friends I am studying the Tao Te Ching with about it.
:) The Sufis said it is like salt.
I was hoping you would find kenosis interesting, since there was once similar teachings in Europe as in India and Egypt and elsewhere, but these were either obliterated or hidden.
Which translation(s) of the Tao Te Ching are you studying? Have you studied other texts in Taoism?
If you wish to have a longer conversation, I would.
You wrote about the soma connection from Frawley and perhaps it would interest you to know the Greeks and other Indo-European tribes advocated reincarnation prior to the destruction of their roots by Judeo-Christianity. Here is one example.
"...Most curious, he said, was the spectacle --sad and laughable and strange; for the choice of the souls was in most cases based on their experience of a previous life.
There he saw the soul which had once been Orpheus choosing the life of a swan out of enmity to the race of women, hating to be born of a woman because they had been his murderers; he beheld also the soul of Thamyras choosing the life of a nightingale; birds, on the other hand, like the swan and other musicians, wanting to be men. The soul which obtained the twentieth lot chose the life of a lion, and this was the soul of Ajax the son of Telamon, who would not be a man, remembering the injustice which was done him the judgment about the arms. The next was Agamemnon, who took the life of an eagle, because, like Ajax, he hated human nature by reason of his sufferings. About the middle came the lot of Atalanta; she, seeing the great fame of an athlete, was unable to resist the temptation: and after her there followed the soul of Epeus the son of Panopeus passing into the nature of a woman cunning in the arts; and far away among the last who chose, the soul of the jester Thersites was putting on the form of a monkey. There came also the soul of Odysseus having yet to make a choice, and his lot happened to be the last of them all. Now the recollection of former tolls had disenchanted him of ambition, and he went about for a considerable time in search of the life of a private man who had no cares; he had some difficulty in finding this, which was lying about and had been neglected by everybody else; and when he saw it, he said that he would have done the had his lot been first instead of last, and that he was delighted to have it. And not only did men pass into animals, but I must also mention that there were animals tame and wild who changed into one another and into corresponding human natures --the good into the gentle and the evil into the savage, in all sorts of combinations...
...All the souls had now chosen their lives, and they went in the order of their choice to Lachesis, who sent with them the genius whom they had severally chosen, to be the guardian of their lives and the fulfiller of the choice: this genius led the souls first to Clotho, and drew them within the revolution of the spindle impelled by her hand, thus ratifying the destiny of each; and then, when they were fastened to this, carried them to Atropos, who spun the threads and made them irreversible, whence without turning round they passed beneath the throne of Necessity; and when they had all passed, they marched on in a scorching heat to the plain of Forgetfulness, which was a barren waste destitute of trees and verdure; and then towards evening they encamped by the river of Unmindfulness, whose water no vessel can hold; of this they were all obliged to drink a certain quantity, and those who were not saved by wisdom drank more than was necessary; and each one as he drank forgot all things. Now after they had gone to rest, about the middle of the night there was a thunderstorm and earthquake, and then in an instant they were driven upwards in all manner of ways to their birth, like stars shooting...
...Thus shall we live dear to one another and to the gods, both while remaining here and when, like conquerors in the games who go round to gather gifts, we receive our reward. And it shall be well with us both in this life and in the pilgrimage of a thousand years which we have been describing" (Republic Book 10 by Plato).
Since we share an interest in astrology and jyotish in particular, among many other things, this is one parallel with the ancient connections between Indian and European teachings.
Ashwin nakshatra has the symbology of the ashwini twin horses connected with the Sun in jyotish.
Arvak and Alsvin are also twin horses connected with the Sun in the ancient Norse religion...
http://www.godslaidbare.com/pantheons/norse/arvak_alsvid.php
:)
Post a Comment